4th July. Sex on my CV



            House clearance continues.  It’s clear that accumulation of too much stuff plus burying one’s head in the sand leads to a lack of savings, i.e. zilch.   My stuff includes a lot of clothes, books, DVDs and art materials.  I still have a lot of this detritus despite the Amazon and eBay induced one-hundred-and-three trips to the Welford Road Post Office over the last six weeks.  At a conservative guess, at retail price paid, I’ve probably got, or did have, about £15,000 of material possessions.  Some of this is in earrings. I used to buy myself a new pair whenever I went on a date.  This was so that when me and the lucky guy celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with our three hundred closest friends, six children and eighteen grandchildren, I’d be able to wear them and mention the treasured earrings in my impromptu speech.  T S Elliot’s Prufrock measured out his life in teaspoons, I measure mine in earrings and after ninety-four new pairs I know I’m a fuckwit. 

Another item, my bicycle, which I’d bought specially for a date, sells today.  A nice couple drive over from Whitwick near Coalville and buy it for £35.  I give them a helmet too and they seem very happy with their bargain.  I’d bought the silver Raleigh about twelve years ago when a psychiatric nurse that I’d started seeing (as a date, not a patient), asked me if I had a bike. I hadn’t, but I told him I had, so I went to Halfords in Loughborough and bought one.  I spent the next day practicing riding it.  “It looks very new,” the date said when he picked me up the next day.
“Yes, I look after it.”  Indeed, I’d looked after it very well over the previous 24 hours.  We spent the day cycling around Rutland Water at the end of which he announced that I was the world’s worst cyclist.  Later, he commented that my blow-job skills compensated.  Note to self, must add that skill to my CV, it might widen my career opportunities. 

It’s just three days until living in a proper house ends. Four days until I become the fuckwit in the van.

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